Nondualism: The Wild Song of Standing Free. Chapter 7.

Chapter Seven

I do not love you; I can only love.

1. What sort of cry is this to come here? Return to your teachers where the flame is merely yellow. I am the clear pure white flame of the Absolute. This book is the tiny star in the dark blue sky that fills your mouth.

2. I represent no group; no prescribed course of study brought me here; I do not teach or have followers; I am a party balloon that came loose from the bunch, free in the air, unpredictable, unsinkable though, and never to return.

3. How can there be hope or hopelessness? Purpose or purposelessness? How can there be crustiness of any sort -- life, disease or death? -- when there is only the Perfect Absolute?

4. I am the Absolute. The crust that has apparently formed includes birth, this life the way it is with joy and sorrow, and it is death. I am truly the Absolute.

5. When the crust is understood it is seen to be the body from gross physical to consciousness itself, from stone forgetfulness to I AM I AM AND I AM I AM. Cars speed, leaves ruffle, people gab as they enter homes, a siren, a bus, a dog -- it is all the very thin crust. So easily I see the Interval. Already I am there. Standing Alone.

6. Ultimate Reality is not a forerunner nor is there a forerunner of Ultimate Reality. It cannot be announced, analyzed, followed, discussed, used, stimulated or engaged.

7. I am the flowering of I am. I am the flowering of I Am That. I Am the flowering of I Am That I Am. I Am the flowering of I Am I Am. I Am the flowering of I AM I AM AND I AM I AM. I Am the flowering of OM. I AM the flowering of I AM. The flower is adrift. It is within the atmosphere that bathes consciousness. It is the Absolute.

8. This small work is the gift of the individual -- the one person. No two can come together and follow this or truly discuss this together. For understanding of this is accompanied by the knowledge that there is already only one person who is not going anywhere and not doing anything.

9. With this work (Sublime of the Sublime) I add to the teachings of the Masters. This we share: that we know the teachings of others better than our own.

10. For I can discuss the words of others, but not my own. I understand the words of other Masters, but not my own. I am more at ease with the teachings of others than with my own. But there is only One Master. He is Standing Free. He essences his words. I Am The One Standing Free.

11. OM vibrates through the atmosphere known as Standing Free. Only OM occurs. The only knowledge is Standing Free. That is my teaching.

12. At the age of seven I was visited three times by two Masters. One wore tight grayish clothing, black shoes that were worn backwards with the heel in front; he was bald, his face smooth, countenance serious and severe; in the middle of the night he would enter my room, announcing his presence with the loud clomping of shoes, gaining my complete attention that way; he would stop and stand still and thunder forth the mantra which cannot be revealed. Although frozen with fear, I could see to my right (his left) another man.

13. The intoner of the mantra I would refer to as Umba. The other one I knew by no name. The other was swarthily complected with a full head of curly black hair. He wore grayish and brownish clothing that was very loose and apparently comfortable. Whereas Umba's attention was upon me, the attention of the other one was fixed upon Umba. The other presented a relaxed, easy-going, even smiling demeanor; he was a comfort to behold, a perfect compliment to Umba.

14. The appearance of the men and the utterance of the mantra frightened my deeply. The mantra was a form of OM, and it pours endlessly into the deep ocean of Standing Free.

15. During one of the days in the midst of these encounters I was playing with toy cars on the floor of my bedroom. Spontaneously I spoke: "I AM I AM AND I AM I AM." I repeated it over and over that day and for days afterward. It is the only event that has ever occurred.

16. With the one occurrence: "I AM I AM AND I AM I AM," I entered into a relationship with consciousness itself. The remainder of my life would be devoted to fully understanding "I AM I AM AND I AM I AM," its relationship to the Umbaic encounters at childhood, their relationships to scientific, psychological, occult, mystical, religious and spiritual teachings, traditions, beliefs. Without further discussing my life between age seven and forty-seven, I simply say I have attained full knowledge and it is "I Am Standing Free."

17. There is no I, no attainment, no knowledge, no it, no I, no I am, and no Standing Free. Nor is there the absence of those. Nor are there the words nor the absence of words which describe this. This is the Interval. Full Knowledge. Standing Free.

18. What is consciousness if not the blood of the Absolute? What is the body of the One Guru if not the blood of consciousness? What is his touch if not his blood? Is not the blood of his touch the mind? And what is the blood of the mind if not emotionality and human relationship? And is not the blood of that the physical body? And of the blood of the physical body, its blood is prana. The blood of prana is the Absolute. I do not see, know or understand any of this. I Am Standing Free.

19. I am not free. I am not crazy-wise. I am not an avadhuta. I neither support, advocate and accept crazy-wisdom teachings, nor do I negate, deride or reject them. I am the Standing Free Interval.

20. I say this about my spiritual lineage: both Umba and the other one are any and all Gurus. They are the One Guru. I Am That.

21. I say this about a role as a teacher: I do not know how, what or whom to teach.

22. I say this about life: I don't want to go anywhere and I don't want to do anything.

23. Asking myself why I wrote this book, I answer: it is auto-initiation into the Interval of the Absolute.

24. Asking myself why I take great efforts to distribute this work, I answer: to see myself enjoy myself, for I am the enjoyer of this work, not because others read it, but because only I read it. Five thousand years from now only I read it.

25. Who is the passionate reader who remembers none of these verses but is Standing Free?

26. Who is the passionate teacher who is willing to repeat one simple expression over and over again to larvae who require not words, concepts, gurus or food, but only the ability to metamorphose?

27. Who is willing to devote one life -- One Day -- to attaining that which neither can nor cannot be attained: Full Knowledge, which cannot be taught, transferred, communicated or given by Grace?

28. Who is willing to Stand Alone? Who Standing Alone is willing to Stand Free?

29. What is this "willing"?

30. I Am Love.

31. The Umbaic Encounter led to the one occurrence: I AM I AM AND I AM I AM. This occurrence is essenced by Grace. I Am Grace. I Am Full Knowledge. I Am Standing Free.