Excerpts from "Death of a Twin" by Sheryl McInnes, in Twins Magazine.

	Premature birth is one of the leading causes of death in twins.  When both babies 
are stillborn, or die shortly after birth, all the expectations of this special type of 
parenthood die with them.  The parents are mourning for two children along with the status 
of being parents of twins.

	If they have become involved with a parents of twins groups, they may also feel 
they are losing new friendships.  It is this triple loss that makes a twin stillbirth so 
difficult to cope with when so few people understand the actual scope of the loss.

	The situation may be even more difficult if one baby dies.  "Why this baby and not 
the other one?"  "Did we resent the thought of two babies to care for and therefore cause 
this to happen?"  "Did our preference for one sex cause this boy or girl to die?"  These are 
the thoughts that may increase the burden of grief as the shock and numbness wear off and the 
parents begin to realize what has happened.  A parent may also feel guilty and blame himself,
 his spouse or his other children for things they may have done or not done that led to the 
premature birth.

	In this instance, the parents have lost the specialness of twins; but they do have a 
living child.  People may emphasize this constantly with words like, "how lucky you are to 
have one healthy baby," which may not be entirely true, if the surviving twin is also in 
jeopardy due to complications from prematurity, or if the results of early birth will mean 
permanent disability.  The process of shock, denial, anger, acceptance and eventual 
resolution are very similar in mourning and in coming to terms with a disabled or chronically 
ill child.


The Surviving Twin

	In the midst of this family turmoil is the surviving twin.  It is very difficult to 
judge the degree of any attachment there might have been if one twin dies very shortly after 
birth.  Some parents believe that there was a conscious recognition of a co-twin by the 
urviving twin, and there is some evidence that adults who lost a twin at birth have some 
residual feelings of loss.  Certainly the attitudes and emotions of the parents during the 
babies' early days may have some effect on how they treat the surviving twin, and this in 
itself may have a lasting effect.

	Questions that occur frequently among parents who have lost a twin in this early 
period include how much detail and at what time should the other child be told that she had a
twin?  Most parents feel that the explanation should proceed at the appropriate age level for 
the surviving twin as she matures.  However, there is a fine line between acknowledging the 
twinship and making a "shrine" out of the dead twin that will become a perpetual shadow 
throughout life. 

	In that regard, one mother made the valid suggestion that a day other than the 
birthday should be picked as a day of memory.  It would not be fair to the birthday child 
for that day to be clouded with sadness, she believed.

	During infancy there is little sense of separateness between twins, and some parents 
report a period of restlessness and sleep disturbances in the surviving twin.  In later 
infancy and toddlerhood, the twin may actively search for his missing co-twin, and may react
 strongly when he sees his own reflection in the mirror if the twins were identical. As with 
the parents, the twin needs an outlet for his feelings in order to heal. 
	The surviving twin should be kept aware, in a matter-of-fact way, that he had a twin 
and be helped to express his feelings about the subject as he matures.